Can’t Get No Sleep

Why will she not sleep through?! Don’t tell me techniques to try because I’ve done them all. She is impervious. I think she doesn’t like sleeping. I, on the other hand, do like sleeping. I used to enjoy a nine hour sleepathon every night. Now I’m lucky to get three continuous hours. I’m aiming for six hours of unbroken sleep by 2011. I’m not hopeful. Next door said one of their children didn’t sleep until they were five. Five!!! And it’s having a very negative effect on my looks. I’ve lost them. All I can see is dark circles and wrinkles. I’m avoiding mirrors for the forseeable future. I read somewhere that a continuous lack of sleep causes weight gain and dull skin. I can confirm that this is true. People, doctors or whatever, should tell you more about the lack of sleep thing. They should put it on condom packets. WARNING: THIS COULD LEAD TO NO SLEEP FOR UP TO FIVE YEARS. I might start campaigning. Take it all the way to Downing Street. Except I’m too tired. I’m just going to put up and shut up. Only another three and half years anyway. What’s that in the scheme of things? Probably an extra two stone, insane amounts of money spent on skin illuminator cream and the development of a weird facial twitch . She’s worth it though.


One thought on “Can’t Get No Sleep

  1. ha-ha… very funny. I don’t know how you deal with the lack of sleep. I’m sure I would not be able to function at all. Contrary to your comments, I think you look amazing and not one day older than the last time I saw you.

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